Wednesday, 04 February 2009

• Nostalgia

  I feel incredibly nostalgic. Been listening to songs that really bring back the sweet and wonderful old memories, making you reminisce like crazy. I would do anything to go back and re-live everything again. Anything.
  
  Sometimes i just feel like crying, you know? I long for it so much, I yearn for it so much, that it actually makes me feel sad. Because i know i can never turn back. never.
  
  But yes, i guess all i can do now is just cherish every single second in my waking moments, because i know one day in the future, i will be yearning for what i'm experiencing now. :)
  
  I have to admit that i am not looking forward to go back to Miri, although there actually is a scintilla of excitement in me that is trying to spark, slowly. Sure, i am looking forward in meeting all my uni friends, and then have all the fun we can, again... but leaving KK... is just. sad. :(
  
  I know, I know, i do come back to KK during sem breaks...it's just that, i hate goodbyes. i hate goodbyes SO much i'm telling you. Leaving everyone i love behind ALL OVER AGAIN, is painful. :(
  
  And the ironic thing is, when i am in Miri, i don't want to go back to KK. Because i don't want to leave my uni friends. OH gosh. (-,-")
  
  You know.
  
  I am missing lifeteen a lot. I miss lifeteen badly. so badly.
  
  But i guess i just have to MOVE ON. To lifeline. And i personally think that, that is a really difficult step to take. I'm not quite used to them yet, i actually feel quite shy (okay scratch that. i mean VERY shy) to attend their lifenites to be honest with you, although i have attended their lifenites before. Lifeline is full of amazing people, all burning the same passion for God... but. i'm not ready yet.
  
  And to be truthful, one of the reasons why i haven't been to their lifenites this year, is because... when i eventually get used to to lifeline, i believe i am gonna love going to lifeline lifenites more than anything else, and with all the awesome people in there... and then, when i am just about to get the hang of things, i would have to leave for Miri by then. yes that's what i fear. loving what you love behind again.
  
  UNLESS, i don't love lifeline, which is pretty much unlikely. haha. :)
  
  And by the way, there is this certain someone whom i can't get out of my head. I don't know why! I mean, I don't know him that much, though i do know of his existence since way before, BUT... gosh he's giving me major stomach lurches and super adrenaline pumps. hahaha. We never talked that much, he's practically just an acquaintance of some sort, BUT i can't get him out of my head. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing. Good thing because i can finally forget that other guy, and a bad thing because it's gonna be harder for me to leave for Miri. I'm telling you. HAIH. :(
  
  I can't believe i actually still go to bed thinking of him, considering the fact that the last time we met was quite a while ago. Well you know me, if i don't see a crush for 3 days or more, with no means of contact or whatever, the feeling dies. SO IT IS PRETTY AMAZING IF YOU ASK ME. LOL. 
  
  But i'm only gonna secretly admire him because i don't think anything could actually materialize. HEHE. There are reasons why.
  
  SO I GUESS, i am gonna end this now, cause it's getting kinda late. 2.25 am yo!
  
  

  Goodnight people. :) 
  

  
  

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